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9th-Nov-2016 08:59 am - Election Reactions
sword flame
Brothers and Sisters, today's reading comes from the book of "Charlton Heston", chapter "Planet of the Apes", and it says:

"You maniacs! You blew it up! Aw, damn you! Damn you all to hell!"

25th-Mar-2016 08:59 am - What price beauty?
sword flame
TV Guide's listing for the April 1 episode of "Grimm" says,

"A deadly beauty regiment takes the life of a young woman."

I think if it takes a whole regiment to make you beautiful, it may be time to give up on your hopes of a modeling career...


[ I'm assuming that it's a typo, but guess it's possible it could be about a couple of battalions of beauticians, under the command of hair-stylist Colonel. ]
27th-Feb-2016 07:32 am - Team Player
sword flame
How to be a "Team Player":

As you go through your work day, be on the lookout for those moments when a minimal amount of extra effort on your part can make someone else's job a whole lot easier.
You can be sure that all of your co-workers will repay the favor by looking for opportunities when, just by deliberately slacking off for a few seconds on what they're supposed to be doing, they can screw you over for minutes ( or hours! ) to come.
That's called "teamwork!"

*sigh*

I'm fifty years old; you wouldn't think I'd still be surprised by how consistently this is the case.
30th-Oct-2014 12:35 pm - Unexpected catalog
sword flame
I got a catalog in my mailbox today from a company I've never heard of before.  That in itself isn't all that surprising; once you get on one company's mailing list, your address tends to get passed around to others fairly regularly.  What did surprise me was the fact that it was addressed to the previous tenant ( "or current resident", admittedly ), and I've been living here for over fifteen years.  It would be understandable if they'd been sending them ever since the time when he lived here, but to start now just seems weird to me.
14th-Sep-2014 05:43 am - Moment of Clara-ty
sword flame
Ok, so I'll admit I'm sometimes a little slow on the uptake, but I just realized:


A school-teacher named Clara who time-travels with "Doc" --

6b9aa678c33ef918a478fa6b949b7c15


A school-teacher named Clara who time-travels with [ the ] Doctor --

bad00dde-68f0-4306-a275-0c1da0d948bc-460x276

It's all so obvious now...
8th-Dec-2013 02:09 pm - Some days you just can't win
sword flame
Getting ready to go to work this morning, I checked the thermometer and it read 9 degrees Fahrenheit ( that's about -12 to those of you in the rest of the world ), so I decided it probably wouldn't be a good idea to take my camera along, since I would have to leave it in my unheated car all day.  Naturally, my commute featured one of the most glorious sunrises I can ever remember, an explosion of oranges and pinks across the entire sky, backlighting Mt. Hood exquisitely.

What do you call the feeling that is an equal mixture of "Ooh, wow, pretty" and "Auugghh, I left my camera at home!" ?  Appreciative anguish?
7th-Dec-2013 03:25 pm - Monday after Cyber-Monday
sword flame
Last year at UPS, the Monday after "Cyber-Monday" -- when the main wave of packages people ordered online between Thanksgiving and the following Monday hits our delivery routes -- our corporate honcho told us that the volume was unprecedented, more packages than had ever come through our building in a single day:  95,000 pieces.

As of this morning, when I went in for an extra shift because they're so worried about next week, the projection for Monday is 135,000 pieces.  They rented twenty-six more trucks; I'm not sure how they're going to squeeze them all into the building to get loaded.  I'm going to be doing another extra shift tomorrow, and coming in four hours earlier than my usual time on Monday.  It looks like it's going to be a long next couple of weeks, but at least it'll help pay off all the stuff that I bought online.

You'd think I'd know better...
28th-Oct-2013 12:22 am - Tired Eyes
sword flame
Driving along the freeway, very late at night, far enough from any city that the only other light comes from the headlights of the occasional oncoming motorist.

Start feeling drowsy; eyes are particularly tired, and regular "blinks" begin to involve noticeable delays before the eyelids come back up again.

Despite the ego being in denial ( "No, I'm OK, I can handle this" ), the superego asserts its rationality ( "This is really dangerous, you need to stop the car" ).

Step on the brake, but the car doesn't seem to slow nearly as much as it should -- no wonder, that's the clutch, idiot.

Feet on both pedals now, slowing nicely, but the eyes have drifted shut again.  Open them NOW, moron.

Left eye won't open, make do with just the right one for now.  Everything black except for a red glow far to the right.

What is that?

Oh.

It's the numbers that my bedside clock project on the ceiling.  The reason my left eye won't open is that it's pressed firmly against the pillow.  I'm lying in bed, on my left side.  That drowsy sensation was because I was actually asleep, dreaming I was driving down the freeway.

The boundary between asleep and awake suddenly feels very blurry.
Like my tired eyes.
2nd-Feb-2012 01:57 am - SOPA/PIPA/ACTA
sword flame
The best argument I've seen so far about the various forms of legislation that claim to be about preventing "piracy" on the internet:


15th-Jul-2011 02:02 pm - Signal Boost: The Door Into Starlight
sword flame
Diane Duane, who wrote the novels from which I take my username ( The Door Into Fire, The Door Into Shadow, and The Door into Sunset ), has long been promising that EVENTUALLY she'll get around to finishing the fourth and final one in the series, The Door into Starlight.  Today she has posted an entry talking about the long wait, and requesting that people who would actually buy the book if it gets published comment on the entry, to gauge whether it is still worth devoting her writing time to the project.  If anyone reading this falls into that category, or knows someone who might, I urge you to go comment there, or ask them to do so. 

Please, please, please?
4th-Jul-2011 06:59 am - Really slow on the uptake
sword flame
This weekend the local soft rock radio station is celebrating the holiday with a "totally eighties weekend."  Although I've probably heard it a couple of dozen times, I just finally realized how funny it is that Styx -- named after a river around the underworld from Greek mythology -- should have as one of their bigger hits a song called "Come Sail Away."
3rd-May-2011 04:06 am - Sally who?!
sword flame
In this Sunday's Sally Forth cartoon, Sally's husband Ted is making up phony reminiscences of his childhood for their daughter, and one of the things he says is "'Forth' isn't even a surname.  It's just a number I misspelled."  I just woke up from a dream in which he revealed what his "real" surname was "SZRXYNMY" -- oddly enough, via the red LED display of a clock radio, which shouldn't have had enough digits for that, but made sense in my dream.  Looks like it's from one of those Eastern European countries with a severe vowel shortage.  I can see why they would have changed it, since I have personal experience with a surname that no native English speaker ever gets right if they see it in print first, rather than hearing me introduce myself.  ( This is why the local grocery store chain's company policy of requiring their clerks to thank you by name -- which, if you use their membership card, is printed at the bottom of your receipt -- is rather counterproductive in my case.  I think their idea is to make you feel like all of their stores are oh so customer friendly, because they know your name!,  but in my case it just rubs my nose in how very phony this charade is. )
sword flame
"NAMASTE, MUTHAFUCKAZ"
sword flame
To the person with whom I just narrowly avoided a car accident:

When the vehicle in front of you slows down and turns on the right-turn blinker, your response is to speed up and try to pass ON THE RIGHT?!  Really?!?  In what possible understanding of the laws of physics is this a good idea?  It's a good thing I was looking in my rear-view mirror at the time, and already had my foot on the brake, or we'd both be much unhappier now, if not seriously injured.  I can only hope that if and when your driving karma catches up with you, no one else is involved in the resultant catastrophe.
12th-Apr-2011 12:35 pm - Old Neighbor Murdered
sword flame
Watching the noon news today, I was shocked to hear that one of the victims in a double murder yesterday was an old neighbor of mine.  I lived across the street from Dana Enyeart for a bit under three years, from 1974-'76, and was friends with her brother. 

It's sad that her death was such a cliche -- shot by her ex-husband when he found her with another man.
22nd-Nov-2010 12:10 pm - Octopi
EyePod
It's been a while since I posted one from the "I can has cheezburger" network, but this one really got me:

funny puns-Octopi
see more So Much Pun
22nd-Feb-2010 01:12 am - Danger! Danger! Bill Gates!
sword flame
After all these years, I'm still always amused by the fact that the eMails that Hotmail is most likely to mark "Attachments, pictures, and links in this message have been blocked for your safety", and "You may not know this sender" with a big warning exclamation point/shield icon are those from ... Microsoft.  You know, the ones that own Hotmail.  You'd think that, what with being the largest software company in the world, they'd be able to authenticate their own eMails. 
29th-Jan-2010 04:49 pm(no subject)
sword flame
OK, this one got me:

john cleese
see more Lol Celebs
25th-Jan-2010 12:12 pm - ATM mugging
sword flame
Not me, luckily, but all over the news this morning is the story of a woman who got mugged last night at the ATM that I use most often.  It's next to the big empty parking lot, so when I stop there before work -- given that I go to work in the middle of the night -- I usually keep a wary eye over my shoulder.   This woman, however, was attacked around six at night, not long after sunset, so I'm surprised the guy was so blatant about it.

News stories here, though the links probably won't stay active long.
4th-Jan-2010 04:47 pm - Conveyor Belt of Love
sword flame

Every time I think that the "reality show" phenomenon can't possibly go any lower, they go out of their way to prove me wrong.


Oh ABC, why?
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